My Good Day

I had a good day today. Very productive and I think definitely one of those "first days of the rest of your life". Not necessarily THE first day, but one of them. I do feel like things are moving forward again after all the bad luck lately. I know how good doing photography makes me feel, so I'm going to keep doing it as much as I can and hopefully get better and better and better, and hopefully regularly.

Photography makes me feel better about myself, and directly, than I think I've ever experienced from anything. My story has always given me hope, kinda pushed me to think of different things, to express myself in a new way, my hopes and dreams and stuff, and basically how I would make things go if I had control of my own fantasy world. My story has been a huge part of my life for the last ten or more years, and will probably ALWAYS be important to me, but I now realize that until they're published, my books, I should say, they won't be relevant to anything, really. People can't care until they read it, and they're NOT gonna read it til it's published. No biggie. Whatever. I could give a shit anymore, cuz when they ARE published, they're gonna be great, and all those IDIOTS who didn't read it before will be regretting it in the long run.

Anyway, photography lets me DIRECTLY talk to people, especially attractive girls, which has always been a slightly awkward and VERY RARE thing for me. It also puts me in control of a situation where I work hard and push myself to come up with a creatively well-done final product, aka photos. I keep getting better at it, every single time I shoot, and the more and more I do Photoshop, I'm improving in that too, so good times both ways. Basically, the more I shoot, the more confident I get in my own abilities, and in myself in general. I'm discovering that photography is letting me grow as a person, and probably replacing all those "normal" years and experiences I SHOULD have had in high school or even college. It's pushing me to... well... PUSH other people, and just push for things in general that I want SO badly. It makes me persistant to get what I want and be a real "adult" by scheduling stuff and setting up things and all that crap that goes with "modeling". It's tough, ESPECIALLY for me, but I'm learning, and growing, and if I grow as much in 2009 as I have in 2008, or even MORE, good lord, things should be VERY good and HOPEFULLY I'll be really, really happy. Here's hoping...

Anyway, yeah, I love photography and I'm going to keep pushing and striving to get great at it so I can not only be happy and confident in my own abilities, but ALSO impress other people and FINALLY get the appreciation and compliments that I've deserved and needed for many, many years. Again, here's hoping...