My Savior

I need you. I rely on you. I don't even know who you are, what you look like, what your name is, or anything about you, but I need you more than you may ever know. I don't know if you're my friend, some stranger, someone down the street, or across the country, even on the other side of the world. I don't know if I've met you yet, or will tomorrow, next week, next month, two years, five years, or even decades from now. I don't know your age, your background, your family, friends, job, location, or anything else. I know nothing about you, but I still need you, still rely on you so badly.

You are the girl of my dreams. No, you're not going to "fix" me, or make ALL my problems go away, but you'll be that piece of me, deep down inside, that I feel I've been missing since I was born, or at least since I realized something was missing. You are what I long for, what I desire, and what I ultimately am destined to find, to meet, to fall madly in love with. You are my soul mate.

The problem is, I know nothing about you, nothing at all, so I'm completely lost. I am miserable with my own life, with much of myself, but meanwhile I must find you somehow. How am I supposed to find this wonderful person out there that's meant for me when things are so dark, so depressing, so hopeless? I just don't know how. I try, and things fail me. I try again, and people fail me. I try, and try, and try, but VERY few things seem to work out, so how in the hell am I gonna be LUCKY enough to ever meet you? To ever have you notice me? To appreciate me? Let alone love me? I just... don't know.

Someday you will mean the world to me. I will love you more than I love myself. I would die for you, but... what do I do for now? What do I do until I find you? Until you find me? Until we can finally be together and complete one another? What am I... no, what are WE supposed to do until that day? I don't know what to do. I don't know what I'm SUPPOSED to do to find the right road, the correct path, to find you, and... afraid that maybe I screwed up. Maybe I'm not doing the right thing in order to find you, or... worse, maybe I'm not good enough. Maybe I don't try hard enough. Maybe I'm just not meant to be happy. Which is right? Which is correct? Which is the truth? I really wish I knew...

Please, save me... I beg of you...

My Darkness

He was surrounded in darkness. No matter where he looked, there was no light to speak of. He blinked his eyes, over and over and over, but there was no difference whether his eyes were open or closed. In fact, he felt a tad better with them closed, knowing that it was supposed to be that dark with them not open to the outside world. Looking out onto the darkness, all that emptyness, he was very afraid. He trembled, trying to remain calm, to stay focused on figuring out where he was, what had happened, and what was going on.

"Hello?" he called out, his voice vanishing into the abyss around him. "Can anyone hear me? Is anyone out there!?"

He moved forward in the dark, reaching his hands out, but there was nothing there. He breathed heavily, his lungs sucking air into his body, but he was growing more and more fearful by the moment. He moved his hands all around him, trying to feel anything, but was in a completely empty space. He gasped for air, feeling as if he was suffocating, even though there was plenty of air around him at the moment. He clenched his hands, trying to stop them from shaking, but he felt like the darkness, the emptyness, it was consuming him.

He cried out, "Hello!? Please! Someone answer me!"

He moved forward again, still reaching out, hoping to touch something... anything, but no. He reached and reached, stretching out his arms, his hands, but there was nothing around him as he felt the darkness filling his body. He kept moving, going faster and faster, until he broke out in a full run, dashing through the dark in utter desperation and horror.

"Somebody! Anybody! Help me!!!" he screamed, his legs shaking as he ran, nearly causing him to fall down.

He ran and ran and ran until his lungs burned, his legs were weak, and he stopped, barely able to keep himself standing. He turned around, his eyes searching the abyss, but finding nothing but the dark. Darkness all around him, surrounding him, and now consuming him. He felt alone, abandoned, and utterly hopeless.

"Help me, please..." he pleaded to the nothingness, praying that someone, something, would answer him. He spun around and around, hoping something would happen, hoping the darkness would go away, but it was constant, almost growing darker and more menacing to him, sapping away all of his courage and strength. "Please... help me. Somebody help me..."

His legs buckled beneath him, taking him down. He sat there, full of fear, terror, horror, as he glanced around, searching for any kind of light at all. He searched and searched, trembling, wrapping his arms around his legs to hold himself, trying to keep in whatever courage he had left inside of him. He focused his breath, trying to keep calm, keep it steady, in and out, in and out, but he was just too afraid. The darkness was all around, it was consuming him to the core, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.

"Mother... Father... Papa... Mama... Somebody... help me... I beg of you..."

Tears ran down his cheeks as he cried, whispering out to the darkness, praying for anyone to save him. He felt lost, empty, and now completely numb. Realizing he was doomed, he shut his eyes, held himself tightly, and gave in to the darkness, the nothingness, the abyss, and slipped away...